Let Go of Perfection

Since I’ve started improvising in Sacramento (about 8 years ago) I’ve seen the parallels of being a good improviser and being a good person. If friends and family ask my advice, it’s typically based in the lessons I’ve taken from improv. There have been a handful of people in the last month telling me that I should write down my advice. Independent of each other and on separate occasions they said I should share my life stories and give my advice based in improv teachings… the honest truth is I didn’t want to. I was so embarrassed at this idea. WHAT?!? I don’t have anything figured out in my life! I have no right to tell people what to do in theirs! What would I possibly have to say that could help or inspire anyone? … I’m sure they meant it as a compliment and they probably had no clue how much I was consumed by the idea…

Two things happened to me recently: one on stage and one with a friend that I thought proved how “unqualified” I was to give advice. But, actually these events helped me realize I do have something to share.

I was recently in a personally rough show at Blacktop Comedy. Putting things in perspective the audience enjoyed the show, but I didn’t feel we were working well together or supporting each other at a level that I wanted. Basically the show was fine. But, I wanted the show to be amazing. Those were my expectations. The team talked about it and we all collectively beat ourselves up for not having that “perfect” show. It was ugly. There was nothing gained from ripping into ourselves. Talking with the team I realized that we didn’t give ourselves enough credit for showing up and finishing the show. Was it perfect? No. It wasn’t. But, you have to praise the fact that you just showed up and tried. I realized it’s easy to forget how much work just showing up takes.

I shared my thoughts with the actors. You’re enough. Let’s praise the fact that you showed up and kept showing up and being present. You didn’t give up! You tried! That’s enough. Seriously. That is enough. I could feel the relief in the room.

Then I was challenged by this improv wisdom. You see, I recently found out that a close friend of mine lied to me. This wasn’t a small lie… it was a “friendship-shaking” kind of lie. At first I was so upset, I kept beating myself up for being so trusting and for allowing someone to hurt me like that. I questioned my outlook and my naive way of trusting. I was worried that I would continue to make the same mistake and keep trusting people who were bound to hurt me and betray my trust. I isolated myself. I worried that I needed to be tougher and less trusting of EVERYONE. 

This damaged friendship brought up how I felt after that rough show: frustrated, let down, confused, angry. I wouldn't let the performers beat themselves up after the show... and I couldn't keep beating myself up. I had to remember and tell myself I AM ENOUGH. Not everyone will live up to my expectations my life won’t be a “perfect show“… but I need to give myself credit for trying. I was a good friend. It didn’t go the way I wanted, but I can celebrate that I was present and showed up. I’m going to keep showing up in all my relationships. And some days that’s all I can do… but, I will remind myself that it is enough.

I am not perfect. No one is. Even the most inspiring people are flawed.

Both improv and life are not about being perfect. It’s about showing up and trying. That’s enough.

The Improv Scene Will Be Fine

Sometimes you have to be gentle. Holding a baby? Be gentle. Handling fruit? Be gentle. Talking about feelings with a significant other? Be gentle. 

Improvising? I don't think we need to be gentle. Let's attack the scene, and discover. 

We can jump off the horse. Slink into the home. Drive out of the drive-in. Pull up the the bank. Crash the bachelor party.. Drag yourself to the family reunion. Fall asleep at school. Flee a swarm of bees. Charge a swarm of bees. Trip over a Barbie. Prance through the city square. Roam the mountains. Teeter on the edge of litter box. Waddle through the water. Stroll into the laboratory. Lurch towards the fire. Tip toe around the dragon. March down the hall.

We can pray for more. Demand Less. Snatch the money. Remove the robes. Grip the gun. . Examine the rug. Declare your love. Smoke the weed. Toss the football. Sharpen the knife  Rip a page out of the magazine. Shout the password. Mug for the camera. Choke the threat. Hug the neighbor. Smash the memory. Glue the shards together. Defend our client. Swim across the lake. Parachute off the building. Haunt the attic. Bridge the gap. Scout the rivals. 

We can light off fireworks. Build a porch. Discover the locked cabinet. Collect enough coins. Spook the Amazon delivery person. Protect your client.  Train elephants. Train dolphins. Train conducting. Graduate college. Survive the Apocalypse. Board a submarine. Sneak behind a waterfall. Grill steaks. Abandon a Ferris Wheel. Attend the symphony. Forge a Constitution. Track the last Chinese Maple. Adopt an kitten. Tremble in front of a chocolate chip cookie.

We can exclaim how we feel. Mutter your preference. Sigh about the lack of food. Stutter in the face of evil. Chatter as the wind blows. Gossip about the principal. Squeak to your mouse friends. Collude with your prisoners. Stammer your hope. Bellow your fear. Croak your final words. Argue to the judge. Rant on a podcast.  Admit you TP'ed the house. Report on the experimental findings. 

We can cling to the train. Hop in a taxi. Swerve on a unicycle. Shred on a skateboard. Triple Axel in skates. Time travel in a cardboard box. Mach one on a jet. 

Let's do any of that. If we commit to our choices, and you commit to your partners choices, we can never break the scene. It's pretty darn durable. 

Game Night Machine

Game Night at Blacktop is becoming one of my favorite community events. Do you love Cards Against Humanity? We have a table! Can't get enough of Settlers of Caatan? We have a table! Did you just buy Street Fighter V and want to play in on a 12 foot screen? We have the screen, and your choice of an xbox one or PS4. You bring the game! In fact, bring any game, we we'd love to play it during Game Night.

Before Game Night, I never heard of Utter Nonsense. Jay brought it one night though, and I haven't stopped talking about it. I gurantee you'll find me playing Utter Nonsense this Friday night. Join me!

You'll discover new games and new friends at Game Night. Last month a bachlorette party came to Game Night. They drove from downtown Sacramento to our Game Night. I'll be honest, I held my breath when they reached for Exploding Kittens. I hope they have a "unique" sense of humor. They did! They loved the game, and spend the night clustered around teh table bursting out in laughter every few minutes.

Remember those math equations in elementry school that would show a variety of inputs entering a "math machine," and that big, hulking industrial math machine would combine all the elements to create a new number or equation? I'm sure I can find an example of it on the internet somewhere. Give me a moment. I'll find it.

Aha! Here we go:
 

Are all those elementary school memories flooding back? Well, the Game Night feels a lot like that math machine. In comes a variety of people. In come a bunch of different elements that have never met, groups that wouldn't bump into each other anywhere else, but here. Here they are coming through the doors of Blacktop Comedy, games in hand, looking for something new. Three hours later, after sharing games, and strategies, and laughs, everyone leaves Blacktop changed. We don't leave alone. We leave as friends. The Game Night "machine" kicks out friendships. 

It happens every month. And, it's pretty awesome to witness and be a part of. Sometimes I sit back and think about all the people I never new before Game Night, or Playgrounds, or improv classes or shows. The only thing that gave us an opportunity to meet was Blacktop Comedy. It's a strange feeling. We could still be drifting by each other in restaurants or streets, never realizing the friendships we could have. 

What's my point? Walk to Game Night this Friday. You might just discover a new game and a new lifelong friend.